Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
