Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
