Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this will be a night to untag.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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