so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
