I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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