who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
