I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
