i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize