the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
