I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
