I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
