So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
