my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
