He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
