the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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