The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
