i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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