i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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