So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
