youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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