is your mom at the bar?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
