Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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