I cannot find my penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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