Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
