Someone shit on the floor
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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