how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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