sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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