I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
