You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
