i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
