You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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