By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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