one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
