in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
