And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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