just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
