I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
