I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
