i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
