So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
