I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
