My balls are so social today.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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