Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
