why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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