im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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