So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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