I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
