No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
