there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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