I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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