Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
