dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
