I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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