i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
