So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
