I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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