I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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