I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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