you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
