it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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