Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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