Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My cat gives me a boner
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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