I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
