I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
