If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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