Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
