Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
