she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
