Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize