woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
